We all have our own personal issues as it relates to our childhood. Many times in our own families we may have experienced being celebrated or ignored, perhaps a little of both ,or maybe for some being shut out of the family dynamic altogether. In families there are disparities that exist in how parents treat each child. The way we were treated by our parents as children can have a direct impact on how we get along with our siblings for the rest of our life. These dynamics play a significant role in how we feel towards others in friendships, relationships and even our parenting abilities .
In many cases parents create a dynamic whereby one child is celebrated (the golden child) and another is looked at as the outcast (the black sheep). If we look at it more carefully both children are under the influence of conditional love.
On one side you have a child that is used or propped up by the parents to be used as a tool against the other child. This sets up an atmosphere for a parent to unleash their stored wounds . The love that child receives is contingent that it follows the pattern of loyalty .The golden child receives love in the form of adornment and special privileges at the expense or loss of their own individuality.
On the flip side you have a child who is the black sheep. This is the child that feels isolated from the rest of the family . It is the desire of the parents to shut this child down and in some way have he/she beg their way back into the family dynamic. The child receives love from the parents through guilt and shame. The parents compare the black sheep to the golden child in essence to create a conflict and disparity between the two or more siblings.
Despite the difficulty and isolation experienced by the black sheep, this child remains authentic to himself. The child has the ability to pierce the veil of dysfunction and reach deep in to the families ancestry in order to stop the bleeding of past generations onto those innocent. It does this by shining a light and exposing the dysfunction.
I grew up in a home just like this and I can tell you that with persverance and courage we all have the capacity to grow . It is and was my deep compassion for those who hurt me that actually taught me more about myself. I realized that both sides of the coin were the same. In some ways as the years went by I better understood my half of the coin and my potential to shine.
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